Summer Reset
Summer Reset-Recap
This in-between season of July and August in which, I named Summer Reset has been a very beautiful, restorative, and life-giving season. It has given me space to take inventory of the spaces I need to be more present in and vice-versa.
While this has been a very beautiful season, I have also found it extremely challenging. Right before this social sabbath, ( if that’s what we even want to call it. It was more like just staying off of social media.), I felt so much decision fatigue. I made the decision to exit from my Higher Education grad program to pursue a route towards mental health counseling and coaching. The research, the conversations with schools outside the only one I have ever know, and the process itself, was so entirely draining. Not to mention that extra weight of this is such a huge decision that is scary, and I’m making it all by myself.
I have a wonderful circle of people who love me and want to support me. But a lot of times, I feel that very few people actually know how to meet me in that space in a way that doesn’t put more weight on me. Very feel people know how to be present with me. That’s what this season and time to stop was about for me- learning to be present, and learning what I need.
I am a full- send server. If I could put 100% of my day trying to figure out how to love and serve people well, I would. I love being with people. But I also acknowledged that I haven’t loved myself well enough to set boundaries for myself to love people in an emotionally healthy way. So when it came to making decisions for opportunities that have found me, I feel even more exhausted, and even lonely because of it. It’s been really hard for me to show up for myself in that way lately. Which is so hard for me, because I am the girl that wants to be on your team.
For anyone who may feel the same way: lonely, fatigued, and frustration spewing out places it shouldn’t and crying over things they don’t understand, I want to sit with you in that. I am learning that these things are okay, and they are part of us. There is a seat in the room for us, even when we’re walking in alone. It’s scary, exhausting, hard, lonely, however, there are rooms that needs us there.
A few things I have been learning from this season:
1. I am enough to walk into this room on my own.
I am made new and full in the name of Jesus, and there is so much freedom here. A daily meditation as of late has been, “I have been resurrected with Christ”. Jesus did not die and cry out int he name of Love for me to live a stuck, overwhelmed, hurried, anxious, discontent, and restless life. But, I acknowledge to be resurrected with christ means I am also crucified with Christ. One word that was spoke over to me today was this, “She who is forgiven much, loves much” could just as easily be “She who suffers much, loves much”( Strahan Coleman).
2. It’s okay to chose to stay in persist in places, instead of making huge moves.
I have had to experience and move through a decision to stay and persist, or leave a room. There were really beautiful things about the room I chose to persist in, and really exciting things about the room that was offered to me. I chose to persist, because I knew that the glory that God was wanting to show through me was still in this room. He wasn’t calling me to leave yet. He showed me my loves, my values, and what was important to me. I had grown so much in this room the last two years, and in a gentle whisper he showed me that deeper communion with Him was found here. When I asked him for his thoughts he said, “My dear daughter, you are not going slow enough and sitting still long enough to even hear my thoughts”. Ooof. Continuing on He says, “You are definitely my daughter, because you are a creative planner, but you need to plan for margin in all parts of your life.”
2.1 As a counter, Sometimes God’s not asking us to make decisions; He is just inviting us into a place to see where he is going to provide abundance and goodness. During this time, I read when Moses sent the spies into the land of Canaan to access if this was the Promised Land (Numbers 13-14). While the spies acknowledged it was, instead of trusting the Lord, they decided that wasn’t a place they should go. Because of this the Israelites would spend the next 40 years in the desert. Caleb and Joshua would be the only ones to actually see the Promised Land because they were faithful. I found comfort in this revelation, because making big decisions is not my favorite thing. In-fact , it is the most stressful thing for me. But there are times where He’s not asking me to make a decision, and He is inviting me to follow.
3. You are the only one who can sit in this seat.
I honestly just think this one speaks for itself. We each have our own calling. In this season I have been doing a lot of inner reflection on coveting, or comparison. What is has looked like, and where it has gotten me? A lot of confusion and hurt. When I do this I crap on the love and vision that God has for me. So while I am the only one sitting in this seat, He has given me full autonomy (authority and freedom) to decide what my own rhythms are.
4. There is something coming that is greater than anything I could dream or imagine.
Lately, I have been hearing the phrase, For my good and His glory”. Romans 8:18: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us”. (ESV). As a planner, I have my career all mapped out. Finish counseling school, go to seminary, and get my coaching license and be done in 6 years. But the work of spiritual formation, and everything Jesus wants to do to me and through me doesn’t work on a linear timeline. I have had to acknowledge that while I am in a beautiful place, I have a lifetime of forming to do. I also have to acknowledge that some of the places I thought I would be at by 25 or 26 are not my reality. I have to come to acceptance that all this is for the Glory of God. All this is because He has visions and a Love greater than what I understand. This is not an easy process, but a necessary one.
And finally , Jesus Sheep know they don’t have to earn their place.
This is a word that the Lord deeply used to pasture me into deeper communion of love with Him that expands way past that I am a servant to Jesus. Before I was ever a servant, I was made with love and given a seat at the table. It is really hard for me not to operate in this manner. But because of this and the deepest cry of Love through the Devine dance of Father, Son , and Holy Spirit, service is secondary, and the only thing is the essence of being His kid. I have also been working on a project called, Shepherded. Which I hope to release or have more information on by next summer in which talks more about this concept while also answering the question of What does it look like for Jesus to be my Shepherd?
You don’t have to earn your love from anyone, especially not Jesus. You have no idea how deeply you are loved and sought after by the one true King. You have no idea how many times He has cried out “Mine” over you. He’s not looking for work from you, He’s longing for complete unifying relationship.
So while there are many things about this season that I don’t understand, and am struggling to come to terms with, I have a hope that says,”The things I have you are so wonderful, you can’t even imagine them right now”. This is the seat that is meant for me in this season, and I am the only one who can sit here. My carpenter made this just for me, and He’s making one for you too!
Walk in the freedom and love of abundance, friends.
Notes:
Unless stated otherwise all scripture is taken from : The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
Numbers 13-14, ESV.
Romans 8:18, ESV
